Online Therapy Blog Archive - Online Therapy to Move from Anxiety and Overthinking to Inner Stability and Clarity

We’ve all been there—caught in an endless loop of self-criticism after something didn’t go the way we’d hoped. Maybe you walked away from an important conversation wishing you’d spoken up, made a decision that didn’t turn out as expected, or felt like you let yourself down in a moment that mattered.

The mind is quick to start its “should-have, could-have, would-have” cycle, pulling us into regret, frustration, or even self-loathing. But what if, instead of spiraling, you could shift your perspective, calm your inner turmoil, and reconnect with self-compassion?

Here are five ways to move from self-criticism to self-kindness—so you can feel lighter, clearer, and more at peace.

1. Name the Spiral—And Stop Feeding It

When self-critical thoughts start flooding in, they can feel overwhelming. The first step to breaking free is simply naming what’s happening:

“I’m spiraling into self-blame right now.”
“I’m stuck in regret mode.”
“I’m beating myself up for something I can’t change.”

Why this works: Giving your thoughts a label creates distance between you and them—you are not your thoughts. Recognizing the spiral as a pattern (rather than an ultimate truth) helps weaken its grip.

Try this: The moment you notice the self-blame, imagine hitting a “pause” button in your mind. Say out loud: “Okay, this is the part where I start overanalyzing and going down that rabbit hole… I see you, brain.”

2. Shift the Channel: Redirect, Don’t Engage

Once you’ve named the spiral, the next step is not giving it more fuel. The mind loves to latch onto negative thoughts and replay them like a broken record. Instead of entertaining the same storyline, try deliberately shifting your attention. This isn’t about mindless bingeing—it’s a conscious choice. Think of it as a temporary crutch to help you through the rough patch. Your mind will likely snap back to the problem again and again, but each time, you gently guide yourself back to a ‘good’ distraction that has the power to lift your mood, even if just for the moment

Ways to shift:
– Listen to a song that is fun/uplifting
– Play a quick game (something immersive)
– Read a few pages of a book
– Watch something light & fun (comedy works wonders) or engaging
– Get outside & change your physical space

3. Reframe the Narrative: XP Gained, Not a ‘Failure’

Instead of seeing the situation as something you failed at, shift the perspective:

You didn’t fail—you gained experience points (XP).

Think of it like a video (or d&d!) game: Sometimes, you lose gold but gain skills. Sometimes, you don’t defeat the villain, but you learn its weak spots for next time. Every challenge adds to your level-up.

Try this: Ask yourself:
– “What did I learn here?”
– “What would I do differently next time?”
– “How does this make me stronger?”

Every difficult moment is a growth opportunity—but only if you choose to see it that way.

4. Speak to Yourself Like You Would to a Friend

Would you ever talk to a friend the way you’re talking to yourself?

If a friend came to you saying, “I messed up so badly. I should have done this differently.”—you wouldn’t say, “Yeah, you’re right. You’re awful, how could you?!”

You’d say something kind, reassuring, and understanding—so why not offer the same to yourself?

Try this:
Imagine your best friend is in your shoes and think about how you’d comfort them. Then, say those exact words to yourself.

– “You did the best you could with what you knew at the time.”
– “It’s okay to not get everything right—nobody does.”
– “You’re learning and growing, and that’s what matters.”

The ‘advanced’ and more direct version of this is to actually really say these things to yourself. You can say something like: hey -your name- be kind to yourself! You are already feeling bad, don’t put yourself down further. Take a deep breath and give yourself some love and compassion!

5. Let It Go: A ‘Mental Trash Can’ for Overthinking

Sometimes, thoughts feel like they need to be processed forever—but not everything requires endless analysis.

You are allowed to let it go.

One way to do this is by visualizing a “mental trash can.”

How it works:
–Picture a trash can in your mind—whatever it looks like for you.
– Write out (mentally or on paper) the thoughts that are looping.
– Crumple them up and throw them in the trash.
– Imagine emptying out the whole the bin—gone. …. repeat if needed!

This doesn’t mean avoiding feelings—it means deciding when enough reflection is enough. Some thoughts don’t need to stay in your mental space forever.

The Power of Self-Compassion

Learning to turn self-loathing into self-love isn’t about ignoring mistakes or never feeling bad. It’s about choosing to treat yourself with kindness, even when things don’t go perfectly.

You are not your past choices. You are not defined by one moment.

So the next time self-criticism starts creeping in, try one (or all) of these strategies. With practice, self-compassion becomes second nature—and that’s where true growth begins.

Beyond the 5 Steps: Extra Insight for Lasting Transformation

This one is a bonus for the deep thinkers: Uncovering the real issue

Self-criticism doesn’t appear out of nowhere—it’s usually tied to something deeper. If you find yourself stuck in self-scolding, try taking a step back and asking:

“What is this actually triggering in me?”

Is it…
– Self-worth? → Do I feel like I don’t deserve better?
– People-pleasing? → Am I afraid I let someone down?
– Anger? → Am I mad at myself or someone else?
– A trauma response? → Did I “freeze” in a way that felt familiar?

Why this works: Instead of just drowning in frustration, you turn it into a discovery. Instead of spiraling, you identify something real to work on—which is empowering!

If you can name the pattern, you can change it...

Want to Explore This Further? Let’s Work Together!

The beautiful thing about therapy is that it gives you a structured, supportive space to uncover and heal these deeper patterns.

I’ve walked this path myself. I know what it’s like to uncover hidden blocks and find ways to move through them. And I know that you can, too. Together, we can explore what’s beneath the self-doubt, uncover what’s holding you back, and help you move forward with clarity, confidence, and self-trust.

… If this resonates with you, I’d love to support you. You can book a…

free consultation here

Person-centered therapy, also known as client-centered therapy, was developed in the 1940s by Carl Rogers, an American psychologist from Illinois. At the time, the world was going through challenging, tumultuous changes—a period of both global conflict and internal societal shifts. Amidst these struggles, Rogers proposed a radically human-centered approach to therapy, emphasizing self-growth and the inherent potential for healing and transformation within each individual.

At its core, this approach is built on the belief that every person has the ability to grow, develop, and overcome inner obstacles—as long as they are in a supportive, accepting environment. Instead of diagnosing or prescribing solutions, this therapy invites you to explore yourself more deeply and immerse yourself in your personal development process.

A Humanistic Approach to Therapy

Person-centered therapy is rooted in humanistic psychology, so let’s take a brief detour to understand its foundation:

Humanism emphasizes the dignity, uniqueness, and potential of every individual. It assumes that people are inherently good and, when provided with the right environment, naturally strive for self-actualization and growth. This approach places the individual and their subjective experience at the center and trusts in their ability to find their own solutions.

Core Principles of Humanistic Psychology in Therapy

Autonomy – Every person has the capacity to make their own decisions and steer their life in a meaningful way, taking responsibility for their choices and actions.

Self-Actualization – This refers to the innate tendency within every individual to unfold and develop their full potential, striving to become the best version of themselves through continuous growth.

A Holistic Perspective – The individual is seen as a whole being—mind, body, and emotions are all interconnected and considered in therapy.

A Positive Therapeutic Stance – The therapist meets the client with respect, empathy, and unconditional positive regard, creating a climate of trust and openness.

The Potential for Change – Humanistic psychology holds that every person can evolve and grow—as long as the right conditions are in place.

This contrasts with problem-focused or pathology-driven approaches by shifting the focus toward resources, strengths, and personal growth rather than labeling symptoms.

Carl Rogers’ View on Therapy

Rogers firmly believed that people already hold the answers to their own challenges—they just need the right space to discover them. The therapist’s role is not to provide solutions but to create an environment where these answers can surface naturally.

The Three Core Principles of Person-Centered Therapy

Empathy
Empathy means deeply understanding the client’s emotions without judgment. The therapist doesn’t just listen but actively engages with the client’s experience, striving to feel what it’s like to be in their world. This deep level of listening creates a profound sense of being heard and accepted.

Unconditional Positive Regard
One of the most essential aspects of person-centered therapy is acceptance without conditions. Clients are not judged based on their thoughts, emotions, or past actions. This creates a safe space where even the most vulnerable, shame-filled, or difficult topics can be explored without fear of rejection.

Congruence (Authenticity & Genuineness)
The therapist remains authentic—not hiding behind a clinical façade but engaging as a real, present human being. While the therapist maintains professional boundaries, they also bring their own emotional authenticity into the process when it’s helpful. This genuine connection fosters trust and a sense of real partnership.

What Does a Typical Session Look Like?

A session in person-centered therapy is less structured than in other therapeutic approaches. In fact, it often feels like a deep, meaningful conversation rather than a methodical treatment process—hence the name person-centered therapy.

The session unfolds based on what the client brings in. Typically, the client starts by sharing something that is on their mind, and the therapist engages through active listening, reflection, and open-ended questions. This approach naturally leads to new insights, deeper self-awareness, and fresh perspectives.

The Role of the Therapist

Unlike other therapeutic models where the therapist is seen as the expert with answers, person-centered therapy sees the therapist as a companion on the journey. Instead of giving advice, the therapist helps the client find their own solutions through deep listening, reflection, and gentle guidance, but in a non-directive way, i.e. the therapist might bring the conversation back to something that seems like it could use more reflection, but will not tell the client ‘what to do’.

Effects and Goals of Person-Centered Therapy

The goal of person-centered therapy is not simply to manage symptoms—but to foster:

… Greater self-acceptance
…A deeper understanding of your own needs and values
…More confidence in making choices that align with who you truly are

Many people have never experienced this kind of unconditional acceptance in their daily lives. In therapy, you are welcomed exactly as you are—with no judgment, no expectations, and no pressure to perform.

It is a space where you don’t have to justify your emotions or defend your experiences. Instead of being met with quick fixes or well-meaning advice, you experience something profoundly different: genuine, compassionate presence.

This safe, nonjudgmental environment allows many clients to feel heard and accepted for the first time—not despite their fears and struggles, but with them.

Where daily life often demands self-censorship, productivity, and solutions, person-centered therapy offers something radically different: the freedom to be, to feel, and to grow.

Who Can Benefit from Person-Centered Therapy?

This approach is suitable for anyone facing personal or relational challenges, including:

Anxiety & depression
Low self-esteem & self-worth issues
Decision-making struggles
Life transitions & existential questions
Grief & loss
Relationship difficulties
Self-discovery & identity exploration
Work-related stress & burnout
Personal growth & emotional development
Processing past experiences & trauma integration (for complex trauma, specialized trauma therapy may be necessary, but person-centered therapy can be supportive in emotional processing)

Studies show that person-centered therapy is highly effective for anxiety, depression, and self-esteem issues. Many clients report finding more inner peace, clarity, and confidence through this approach.

Limitations and Criticism

A common critique of person-centered therapy is that it may not be structured enough for those in acute crisis or with severe psychiatric conditions. In some cases, additional therapeutic approaches might be needed.

Additionally, the non-directive nature of this therapy can feel unfamiliar for clients who are used to being given clear guidance. This is something I address in our initial consultation—it’s important to know that this approach relies on collaboration. There are no pre-written solutions or step-by-step answers. Instead, therapy is about discovering what is true and meaningful for you.

Final Thoughts: The Value of Person-Centered Therapy Today

In a world where many people feel overwhelmed by constant external influences—whether through digital distractions or societal pressures—person-centered therapy offers something rare: a protected space for self-reflection and authentic growth.

It invites you to pause, reconnect with yourself, and gain clarity on what truly matters. Instead of reacting to outside expectations, you learn to trust your own inner voice.

For those seeking personal transformation in a safe, compassionate setting, person-centered therapy offers an invaluable opportunity to cultivate self-acceptance, emotional resilience, and inner peace. Life’s challenges no longer feel like obstacles but opportunities for deeper growth.

If this article speaks to you and you are considering therapy using this approach with an experienced practitoner, you can book a